super discount ftw
ben thinks he’s found the funk in Finland. he’s wrong. here’s the funk… right here.
on being a man, and snow.
There’s nothing like a bit of DIY mechanics to get your manliness back in order. I’m preparing for a trip to the snow so today I’ve changed the coolant and oil in my car. There was probably nothing wrong with the original coolant or oil but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I chose “Anti Freeze / Anti Boil” coolant so the sub-zero temperatures won’t crack my motor as well as 10-30W low viscosity oil as it won’t “stick” as much as regular oil. Hopefully this will mean after a week in the snow that I’ll be able to jump in my car and it’ll start without a hitch. That’s the theory at least. I’ve never seen snow, well I have, but it was in England and France and I was 1yrs old, so I don’t remember it.
Thing’s I’m going to do in the snow (in no particular order):
- Eat it
- Piss on it (Will my torrent freeze instantly? What should I write?)
- Make a rude snowman
- Make a Snow Angel
- Ski it
- Toboggan it
- Maybe Snowboard it
- Shoot it (with my camera)
- Throw it at my sister
- Take some home in a jar.
- Make an igloo
Any further advice should be listed in the comments. Thanksyou.
On how to vomit effectively
Prepare yourself the night before by drinking a mixture of beer and red wine along with copious amounts of Vietnamese food such as Beef and Black Bean, Spring Rolls, Chicken with Cashews and Vegetables, Wontons, Seafood Stirfry, Fried Icecream. Follow this by visiting a pub afterwards and drinking even more beer and wine.
Upon exiting pub, go directly home and to sleep. Do not attempt to drink any water as this may affect your vomiting ability altogether. Sleep the required number of hours. This will be soporific sleep. You will dream lucidly. You will sweat. You will shiver. The cat will drink out of the glass of water on your bedside table. Yes, the same glass of water that you didn’t drink. It might then decide to sleep on your head and half suffocate you, but in an affectionate way that doesn’t really bother you in your drunken slumber.
The morning sun glares against the flimsy curtains. Filling your room with 7-11esque neon bright light that infuriates your sleep encrusted eyeballs. You turn over, burying your head in the pillow and feel your stomach groan and wobble. The hot sweat starts so you unburden yourself of your socks and long johns. Drifting back to sleep the saliva drools onto your pillow, forming a wet patch that eventually soaks your ear and forces you to turn over the pillow, only to find that the other side is also drool/sweat soaked and makes your hair stick together, this is the start and cause of bed hair. Now you know.
Your bladder bulges and reminds your brain that you’ve been drinking all night and forgotten to pee. It forces you giddily out of bed and you stumble down the hall to the bathroom to relieve yourself. Hazy memories of the night before coagulate in your brain. You recall that there’s a yellow bucket out on the front lawn. Gingerly you open the front door and tip-toe out into the crisp morning dew. Bucket retrieved and you’re back in bed quickly defrosting your toes. The waiting begins.
You lie close to the edge of the bed. You hang your head over the edge and stare endlessly into the bucket. Drifting off to sleep as some preliminary drool siphons into the bucket. Waves of nausea wash over and you know that you’re close. Spitting into the bucket seems to help. Positioning your body, you prepare for the evacuation. A nervous dry reach and then finally. Finally it comes.
HUUUUUURRRRRRGHHHHH.
Bright purple and gushing, slopping into the bucket. The acrid stench fills your nostrils and invokes the second coming. Splattering into the first comes the second wave. It’s thicker and stronger this time. Finally, relief. Wait. No — a third expulsion and your stomach is empty. Your brain instinctively wants to make sure and a few spitty dry reaches follow but your quickly sobering brain soon realises there’s not much left and leaves you to wallow in your filth.
It’s over. You’ve done it. You’ll be ok now. You peer into the bucket and identify some undigested broccoli. Damn that tasted good the first time. Now, swimming in the purpley frothing juice of beer and wine you think better than to taste it a second time.
Or do you?
sub merged
Swimming today at the Brunswick Baths
Finger tips touching the bottom at the shallow end.
Seeing my shadow beat me at the deep.
Lap after lap.
When will I win?
What am I saying, I’ve got nothing to complain about.
wood, trees, too much of one, can’t see the other
you know when you’ve got so much to do that you can’t get anything done at all? i’ve got 5 contract, 4 freelance and 3 personal projects on the go all needing desperate attention. adding to that, i’m moving house next week in order to move to melbourne in 3 weeks, so i’m madly planning removalists, selling stuff, packing boxes, cleaning, sorting, throwing away. argh. then there’s the going away parties, the social activities, the friends i won’t see for so long. trying to fit this all in seems impossible in just 3 weeks.
trying to exercise, eating right and sleep well is all well and good for relaxed people, but right now i’m junked up on coffee, avoiding eye contact with my bike and lunch today consisted of a multivitamin. i got to bed at 2am, after a hard night finishing off a freelance website. why is it that my inspiration comes after 1am?
Drowning, waving.
Drifting off to sea.
Copic Markers and Pantone swatches are all I can see.
The sea turns Lettuce Green, then Neutral Gray, then Pantone 113
boys inside girls
Guy 1:
boys inside girls

Guy 2:
thats sick

Guy 1:
saw it on a billposter

Guy 1:
wonder if they’re a band

Guy 1:
good name i reckon

Guy 2:
its a line from that Blur song aint it?

Guy 1:
nah that’s boys who love girls?

Guy 1:
who love boys who love girls…

Guy 2:
yeah, i thought maybe there might be some variations, maybe not tho

Guy 1:
Sperm and an egg can meet when a boy and a girl have sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is when a boy’s hard penis goes inside a girl’s vagina, and he then ejaculates sperm through his penis.

Guy 2:
well well

Guy 2:
that explains a few things

Guy 1:
yep

Guy 2:
thats why the girls are so keen on all that messing about when all ur trying to do is get a good nights sleep

Guy 1:
exactly